Talk about ending on a sour note...

So, today was a pretty good day, which, I suppose for our our narrative purposes, began yesterday.

Last night I got a wild hair up my ass and decided that I needed to make zucchini relish, then and there. I had my mom's old recipe -- which I loved as a kid -- so all I needed were a few ingredients. I had all the spices, so off to the store I went, and bought 17 zucchini.

I know -- fuckload of zucchini, no? Also picked up four peppers, and four onions.

Peel, peel, peel, slicey-slicey, chop chop, and boom -- a giant pile of mush. Only this pile had to drain overnight, so I put it in a colander and went to bed.

This morning, when I got home from coffee at the farm (see, the season's all but over now, so there's nothing to do but go down and bullshit with my father and grandfather for an hour or so over coffee, then go home), I threw in one of my new Star Trek Season One Remastered discs, and watched "Where No Man Has Gone Before."

Good day thus far.

Pretty soon, UPS came a-knockin', and they had THIS badboy waiting for me:

Beautiful, no? I had one made up from CafePress.com, and rushed here overnight, so I knew how it'd look. Because, if it came out looking halfway decent, I was going to have a few more made and give them to my father, his wife, and my grandfather for Christmas, along with a few jars of the stuff that I've made over the last several months. I like how it looks, and just ordered three more.

After "WNMHGB" finished, it was time to work on the relish. All of the juice had drained out of the mashed mess, so I rinsed it off in cold water, and threw it in a pot with the rest of the ingredients. After a half-hour of simmering, I poured the mixture into 16 8 oz jars, and now have a bunch of these:

...tasty goodness, my friends, let me tell you. Tastes just like my mom used to make. Which, of course, is exactly what I was hoping for, as I can't fucking STAND zucchini in any other form.

Now, combined with the tomato sauce I canned, a bunch of different jams (strawberry, peach, strawberry peach, blueberry, and hot pepper), and the bread and butter pickles I made from mom's recipe (did I ever show those? I don't think so. Here they are...

...don't they look tasty?) I'll have a bunch of easy gifts I can give to the fam that don't really violate our "no presents for adults" rule, as I didn't really go out and buy them... I made them.

PLUS, McDonald's re-opened today, so I was finally able to get my McCrackBurger fix again, after two or three months of denial. And they fucked up my order, or course... I ordered two cheeseburgers and a six-pack of nuggets. They forgot the nuggets, and when I went in to complain/get my nuggets, the manager gave me a ten-pack and two coupons for free desserts. How the fuck can you beat that?

So I'm on top of the fucking world. I can't be stopped. I'm James Fucking Cagney at the end of White Heat.


...and, much like Cagney, once I've made it to the top of the world, it explodes.

I go to WaWa, unstoppable. I need something to drink, but not something sugary and crappy. I've been trying to drink healthy-ish drinks late at night, and I notice this little gem:


It's got pineapple, coconut, orange, and protein, and it's called "Naked." How can I go wrong? Simple. By not reading the label fully, like a fuckass.

See, it's also got soy, and I fucking hate soy. The drink itself didn't taste bad, per se... but it's got the consistency of Pepto Bismol, and an aftertaste that honestly and truly tastes like goat feet.

Fucked up my whole day, it did.